I'm so fucking angry of my mother for never giving me the security to learn to be soft as a child and
I'm so fucking angry with my dad for being the fucking role model for all the fucking losers I thought to love in the last years and
I'm so fucking angry of my mother for being with violent assholes she never saved us from so she thought us it's better to be abused than to be alone and
I'm so fucking angry of my dad for being a liar, a thief and a drug addict loser and
I'm so fucking angry for my mother to teach me to fear love and hugs and care and all that shit that makes you feel good with your partners and
I'm so fucking angry that I believed all that bullshit my parents taught me
For so fucking long time
And I'm so fucking angry
Of all the people who abused me
And traumatized me
To the point that pain
And fear
And loneliness
And self-isolation
Seem to be so much
Easier than
Standing up for myself
Talking about my feelings
Trying to trust my people
Feeling truly loved
Asking for my needs
Without shame
I'm fucking 32
And today's the day
I begin to learn
To be soft
And if you dare to laugh me
If you dare to use my softness
Against me
If you dare to pretend like
You don't know
That their parents behaviour
Means the world to a child
I'm gonna execute you
In all the cruel ways
They tried to kill the magic
In my eyes
When I was a child
Fuck you
I don't give a fuck
If my parents are proud of me
I am already so much more
Than they've ever seen in me and
I'm already the person I needed
When I was small and
So much more vulnerable
Than today
Most important
I'm so fucking proud of little me
For still standing
Still having the courage
To show that fucking softness
To show it untamed
Throw it in your fucking face
Like here's my hopes
Here's my pain
Here's the fear
Here's my little broken heart
And here's my pride
I'm so proud of
Myself
